Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
