Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
