i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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