Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
