Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ugly people sure do ruin things
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
