Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
