She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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