I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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