called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
