Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
