Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
