Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.

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(319): View more from Iowa

went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.

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(979): View more from Texas

She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?

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(283): View more from Ohio

He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone

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(419): View more from Ohio

my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy

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