I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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