I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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