Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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