I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My balls are so social today.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
