I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize