her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hippo gnu deer
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
