Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
