God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
this boner is exhausting
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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