I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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