3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
