What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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