I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
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I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
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But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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