My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
