I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
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It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize