My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
