After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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