id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Someone signed my nipple.
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