thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We left the knife in your bed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
did you just send me my own nude
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
