he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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