Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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