someone get that fucking seahorse.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
