Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
