it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
