You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
