HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
