Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he was CRYING into my vagina
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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