Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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