I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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