so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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