get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
