Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We smell like vodka and hangover
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
