I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
