Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
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His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later