a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
