I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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