Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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