i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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