Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
