My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
someone owes me an orgasm
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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