Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
