i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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