I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
