when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
