Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
