it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
