can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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