If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
