i don't like sucking hair
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
