those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
