he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
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Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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