Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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