At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just invented taco cereal.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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