i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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