I looked at my own cervix.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
