The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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